No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
