At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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