he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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