How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
