I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
