either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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