I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
