Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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