So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
