i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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