wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
