I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
