and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
