So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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