if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
