haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
