are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
