Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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