as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
