we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
