I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
