so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
