I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is Oprah even human
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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