haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
