she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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