So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
