well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
