So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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