There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
