I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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