think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
