Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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