I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
