The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
