what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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