If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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