I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My dick has a subreddit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
