Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
