Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
