I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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