no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
