does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
