So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
