in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
