dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
