woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
