Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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