We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
