you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
