So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
