God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
