His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
