Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
