I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
